Courage Campaign: Don't Divorce Us

http://vimeo.com/3089746">"Fidelity ": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on http://vimeo.com">Vimeo >.

A Day in the Life...and Proposition 8

Today we were cooking dinner and watching "Dora the Explorer" with our 2 year old son. You see, our life is ordinary, and we love every minute. Yet it is an incredibly difficult time. People we know and thousands we don't are not only losing their jobs but are also worried about the increasing risk of their ability to keep their families whole.

This is the age of out of touch executives, wealthy bankers, and others literally stealing the money of people they know and don't know - while charitable organizations lose their ability to help others and real people we know and love worry about retiring. How in the world does our issue of the right to marry hold any relevance in this context. And how do we, just a single income family with a typical 2 year old, ever make a difference.

Well it all comes to a vortex with the reality that the very people who abused capitalism for personal gain also dominate the conservative mindset that is funding the defense of proposition 8. This is a California state constitutional amendment that defines marriage as between a man and a woman, thus discriminating against same sex couples. It is no accident that the attorney defending this is Kenneth Starr, who happens to also be defending Blackwater, the private company in Iraq that killed Iraqi civilians...can anyone remember Haliburton and, of course, Dick Cheney?

Back to the real world and day to day life here. So, those who want to maintain, and abuse their power over the masses are spending inordinate amounts of money to try and defend proposition 8. Why when the global society is in such crisis? Well perhaps fighting against an "invisible" enemy such as homosexuality and gay marriage can actually distract people from the true enemy of society - the very few people who have both money and power.

We know for sure just two things - we don't have lots of money and our only power is in being who we are, sharing our story and helping others who may not know us that we are you.

To all families from California, to Kansas to New York - we are struggling with the same things you are - how do we really get our 2 year old potty trained? Wow, the cartoons are very different now - Dora and her friends just cleaned up the entire ocean! We are filled with hope for the future and also very based in the reality of our times.

To all gay and lesbian people across the country - we are like you, too. We struggle to help everyone understand that we are no different than any other family. And for those of you who do not have supportive families or communities- this is for you. You see we do, and we have the love of many around us - family, co-workers and friends. The conservatives want you to feel like you are less than human and its just not true. The fact is in truly enlightened communities where people feel personally secure with themselves there is so much love, respect and equality. We are just people in a community. We can't tell you how many neighbors, friends and strangers have told us of their personal pain that anyone would not want us to have our rights. Just the other day we were walking with our dogs and child, when a neighbor we do not know stopped to tell us her story - How she as a straight, married woman with kids, is heartbroken that her best friend and female partner of 16 years were forced to move out of their Montana community because they are gay. Local citizens actually tried to burn their house down to make them leave town.

We have been overwhelmed with calls and e-mails from many friends wanting to know what they can do to help this injustice. We always say 1) if you can give money, then do; and 2) tell everyone you know our story and the story of other gay couples and families fighting for their rights.

So, on Monday March 2 the California senate and assembly will vote on a proposal to overturn proposition 8. And on Thursday March 5 the state supreme court will begin hearing the arguments for and against proposition 8. We plan to participate in a candle light vigil this week because it is all we can do. And encourage everyone to watch the video on our blog called the "Courage Campaign" video. Those who are bigoted do not own spirituality nor religion so we ask everyone who we reach through this blog to pray on Wednesday March 4 for the support of the rights of our family and prevent California from divorcing us against our will and keeping our son's family intact in these amazingly difficult times.

And as Gandhi once said, "Be the change you want to see in the world" and "An unjust law in its own right is a species of violence".

With deep love and respect,
Duffy & Lisa

FAQ's about the Freedom to Marry

Frequently Asked Questions About The Freedom To Marry
(Source: Let California Ring is a project of Equality California Institute, working in a diverse coalition of over 60 national, state and local organizations. www.LetCaliforniaRing.org)

Talking about marriage can be challenging and even a little scary. It brings up a lot of strong feelings for people. The freedom to marry isn’t just about the legal right to marry but about the opportunity to celebrate love and commitment in a supporting, understanding, and accepting society.

Here are some common questions and some effective answers. And remember, the best and most memorable answers are real stories and examples, not statistics or numbers.

Can’t gay people already get married? Can’t you go to Canada? Or Massachusetts?

That’s a good question. I live here. My home is here. My family, my friends, my support system is here. And if I were to get married in Massachusetts or Canada it wouldn’t be recognized in the state of California.

I hope to get married someday soon in California. Each of us deserves to be treated fairly and have the same chance to realize our hopes and dreams. If two people want the responsibility and commitment of marriage, it’s no business of government to tell them they can’t marry, whether they are gay or straight.

Why do gays and lesbians want marriage? Do they really need it?
Can’t couples go to a lawyer to secure all the rights they need?

Without marriage, gay and lesbian couples can only put in place a few basic arrangements, such as naming each other in a will or a power of attorney. And even these remain vulnerable to challenges in court by disgruntled family members.

For example, when a gay or lesbian person gets seriously ill, nothing can make their partner eligible to take leave from work under the federal Family and Medical Leave Act because that law applies only to married couples. When a gay or lesbian person dies, because they are “unmarried” in the eyes of the law, the surviving partner can not receive Social Security survivor benefits or the right to inherit a retirement plan without severe tax burdens.

Aren’t domestic partnerships enough?

You’re right, California does provide domestic partnerships. While they provide some benefits, they don't provide the same security as marriage. They exist to as a way to get people some rights until everyone has the freedom to marry. As helpful as they may be, domestic partnerships still exclude people from marriage and result in create a two-tiered system at odds with the principle that separate is not equal. Domestic partnerships treat people as second class citizens.

Two people in a committed, loving, trusted relationship deserve the honor and support that only come with marriage. Please support the freedom to marry.

It just doesn’t seem right

Marriage brings up a lot of strong feelings. However strongly we feel, it’s not our place to judge other people.

Even if we disagree on marriage that doesn’t mean it should be illegal. Let’s not shut some people out of marriage. Two people in a committed, trusting and loving relationship deserve the honor and support that come with marriage.

My religion says it’s wrong, that marriage is between a man and a woman.

It sounds like you have very deeply held beliefs; I respect that. To let you know, what we’re out talking about today would not force any church to marry anyone they don’t want to. Let California Ring is about civil marriage.

Even if we disagree on marriage that doesn’t mean it should be illegal. It is not for us to judge other people. People should be able to have different beliefs and still be treated fairly.

Letting gay people get married would be like saying being gay is ok.

I’m hearing that you are concerned that the freedom to marry would really be like an endorsement.

Think about it this way: people should be able to have different beliefs and still be treated fairly. Even if we disagree on marriage that doesn’t mean it should be illegal. It is not for us to judge other people.

Think about it--what if you were told that you couldn’t marry or do something that was personally and profoundly important to you? How would that make you feel, change your relationship, your future plans, your life?

This issue just doesn’t affect me

I hear that you may feel that way. But now you know me, and I’m telling you it does affect me (or my friends/family/loved ones). I am asking you to think about this issue.

Each of us deserves to be treated fairly. Let’s not close the door on marriage for some people.